On Offensive Comedy and Defending Douchebags

Artielangesit**Warning: This post contains foul language that may be offensive to some people.**

**You’ve been fucking warned.**

Another comedian has said some awful shit and defended it as “comedy.” After a bunch of people came out of the woodwork and called him out on his shit, he essentially claimed that saying awful shit is okay as long as the person saying it thinks it’s funny. Other douchebags have chimed in to defend the “art” of comedy, proving once again that assholes will do whatever they can to try and excuse their asshole behavior.

Let’s get something fucking straight off rip. I’m in the “no topic is too taboo for comedy” segment of the population. It’s possible to discuss rape, murder, heinous acts of war, terrorism, and anything else you can think of that comes from the deep, dark pits of evil psyches. It’s even possible to talk about them in a way that gets a laugh from an audience while still not endorsing the act.

However, being someone that gets paid to make jokes doesn’t mean having zero accountability. Seriously, what the fuck kind of logic lies in claiming that a douchebag isn’t a douchebag as long as they think they’re trying to be funny. If I head-stomp your douchebag ass into the dirt and laugh about it in the process, shouldn’t we just call it “prop comedy” and let me go about my business? If I punch you in the face until your cheeks are red and then laugh about how much you look like a china doll, we’re cool, right?

See, the problem with douchebag logic is that they aren’t trying to make any rational argument, they’re merely trying to get away with being fuckwits publicly. They’re pissy shits that know they can’t get away with being physically abusive to other people, and they’ve proven to be at least moderately sharp-tongued, so they use “comedy” as an excuse to get their rocks off being verbally abusive. It’s not a matter of trying to be funny to an audience; it’s a matter of wanting to cause someone else pain.

Comedy isn’t something you “do for yourself.” By definition, comedy requires an audience. Being a comedian means trying to make an audience laugh. Attempting to redefine those terms to suit your own agenda means you’re a fucking special kind of idiot.

Words fucking hurt. Words can lead a person to kill, whether by suicide or homicide. Words can start fucking wars. If somebody says some horrible, ignorant shit, they shouldn’t get a fucking pass “in the name of comedy.” They should be held to task for their statement. Chances are, if someone thinks they shouldn’t be held to task, it’s because they also want an excuse to fucking hurt someone and get away with it. They aren’t defending their humor; they’re defending their masochism.

Carte blanche exemptions are bullshit, especially when they’re based on something as subjective as humor. If everyone found the same thing funny all the time, it would make sense. But I’ve known people in my life that think it’s funny as hell to jump strangers on the street. The knockout game is all about making the people playing the game laugh their asses off. I’m not giving them a fucking pass because comedy.

I’ve dealt with my fair share of physical violence. I’ve also dealt with people trying to hurt me mentally, using verbal abuse. I remember the latter better. It’s had a much stronger effect on me. I’ve learned to defend myself, and go on the offense if necessary, both physically and mentally. One thing I can promise you is that the pain from me punching you into submission will go away long before the mental anguish I can put you through.

Offensive douchebags that call themselves comedians are that kid in school that hung out with the bullies and ran his mouth. They made jokes that their friends found funny, but their friends were the kids that tried to beat you up for your lunch money and duct tape your ass cheeks together in gym class. Then, when their friends get the shit kicked out of them for being douchebags, the little douchebag “comedian” was the fastest fucking coward of the lot. And when their big, bad friends weren’t around, they kept their unfunny fucking yap shut.

Being offensive is only funny to people that enjoy offending other people. An offensive comment made by a comedian isn’t a “joke” because of who told it, it’s an offensive fucking comment because of what was said. If the general public has a conniption fit about it, it’s not because they don’t have a sense of humor – plenty of comedians have gotten plenty rich because people love to laugh. It’s not because the general public doesn’t want edgy humor – American comedy history is filled with edgy comedians. It’s because you’re a shitty comedian.

Apologize, and realize it’s your turn to move the fuck on. Learn not to be a fucking asshole.

So there’s my take on the “nothing is off-limits in comedy.” No topic is off-limits, sure, but a person’s approach to that topic is fair game. If they approach it like a fucking douchebag, they sure as hell deserve to get called out on it.

“If one person calls you an ass, ignore them. If a second person calls you an ass, smack them in the mouth. When the third person calls you an ass, start shopping for a fucking saddle.” ~Somebody

Let’s bury the lead all the way at the end: Artie Lange is a fucking douche canoe.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

/rant fucking over

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